Embracing the Fearlessness: Cultivating Confidence Like a Girl

When we were little girls, we knew who we were. We had unshakable confidence. We could measure a successful day by dirty hands and messy hair. If we were blessed to grow up in an emotionally safe home, we could approach family members and show them our new talents, or even just talk endlessly about our interests. We knew where we wanted to go, and who we wanted to be, because, we were already her.

Then, the world happened.

People mistreated us, broke our hearts, and we also made our fair share of mistakes. Somewhere along the way, in combination with our life experiences, let downs, and the occasional submissiveness, we lost our little girl confidence. We were told we weren’t smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, accomplished enough.

We believed them.

So, now we've ended up in relationships, jobs or family dynamics, in which we are walked all over. We let them because we've lost our little girl confidence. What would 7 year old you have to say? Maybe you weren't a princess, but an astronaut, or a house painter like your dad. No matter who you pretended to be, she knew who she was. There wasn't anything or anyone who could take away her identity. Can current you say the same?

Earlier today, I was at a coffee shop and I had an exchange with a barista who was so disassociated that she was struggling to continue the conversation. She asked what I was up to and I told her that I was working on my business as a breathwork practitioner. Her eyes lit up, her tone changed, and suddenly it was like I was talking to a different person. As soon as she recognized that I was talking about nervous system support, she came back to the moment, and to herself.

As I thanked her for my order, all I could think was about how heavy the world is. Of course, I have absolutely no idea what led to her feeling this way and I genuinely hope that her day improved. The truth is, we all feel like this. I'd argue that many of us are in such a constant state of disassociation or emotional numbness, that we can't even access who we truly are. This numbness becomes our normal. This state of abnormal takes away our confidence.

So, how do we come back to ourselves?

We shed. We put up boundaries. We protect our energy at all costs. There's no mindfulness practice, breathwork session, somatic workout, or supplement regiment that can overpower what you are physically allowing into your life.

If you want more on the self-respect side of things, I've got you covered here:

Free will is alive and well my friend. It is that will which determines the quality of our lives, our longevity, our joy. What would life look like if we listened to our discerning voices and chose joy? Our bodies know what is harming us and we are called to listen.

If you feel like dancing, dance. If you want to rekindle your childhood fascination of the clouds, go lay in a park and find a moment of magic. Play your clarinet, stop your walk to look closely at the flowers, wear the damn sparkly dress to go get a coffee. Can you legitimately come up with one reason for why not (other than people's opinions) ? We have these thoughts and we shut them almost immediately down for fear of how we might be perceived. Do what brings back your sparkle and let go of whatever dims it. And don’t just lightly loosen your grip, throw it far away.

The truth is, do you want to know what people would really think if they saw you living your most authentic self? "Wow, I wish I had her confidence".

And that is how you shine your light to encourage others to do the same.